d20 dungeon critters you can just snatch up and gulp down

Select thy snack

Some proper dungeon bushtucker. Hey, don’t be squeamish, it's free HP.

For when your players are truly beasts. 

While quick to eat they are somewhat bilious, (especially for the inexperienced dungeoneer) - you can only eat a number of these critters (or portions) equal to your level every ten minutes*. Excess consumption causes HP loss instead of gain. The format is name, description, amount healed per portion (usually the whole creature but some can be divvied up, some must be) and number appearing (No app:). They all go bad after a day.

These varmints can tie into something like the ‘dungeon provides’ result of Wondering Monster’s Tweaked Encounter Dice. Eating these critters does not provoke an encounter check (unless otherwise stated). 

*unless cooked into a meal.

D20 dungeon critters you can just snatch up and gulp down

1. Cake Bug
 - The crème de la crème of dungeon critters. A nine-legged, soft-bodied organism the exact same size, shape, texture and taste as a stodgy, praline and caramel cake. 6 HP or up to six servings of 1 HP. No app: 1d2.

2. Pygmy Cave Dodos
- Little squawking featherless oafs that run in circles. You could fit two in the palm of your hand. Bloodless, dry and stringy. 1 HP ea. No app: 1d6.
3. Cracklers/Poppers
- Bright pink termites that crackle in the mouth and their fat wine-red grubs. Cracklers: 1 HP per dozen, Poppers, 2 HP ea. No app: 1d4 dozen Cracklers outside the nest, inside the nest are 2d6 dozen Cracklers and d20 Poppers. Digging them out may take some time.  
4. Bogtart
- A spontaneously generated homunculus. They play dead when spotted. About a mouthful. Tastes like cherry pie, gushes green ooze when bitten. 2 HP. No app: 1.
5. Vecna's Feathers
- Squamous, silvery moths. Rest on tombs and soak up the evil energy. Just grab them out of the air, then twist and pull. Tastes like vinegary porridge. 1 HP ea. No app: 2d6. 
6. Orc Fingers
- Callous green caterpillar-things, roost under rocks and scatter, clumsily, from light sources. 1 HP per 3. No app: 1d4*3.
7. Molasses Slime
- The runt of the dungeon slime genus. Small, slow, about as acidic as an orange - sweet and cloying in the back of the throat. 2 HP ea. No app: 1.
8. Miasmatic Minnows
- Filtering out the tainted dungeon air, these tiny fish float like sparkling teardrops - just inhale sharply and swallow. 1 HP per cloud/shoal. No app: 1d4 shoals. 
9. Waiffles
- Bone white fairies that want to be eaten. They’ll try to force themselves into your mouth, begging “eat me, eat me” in their squeaky little voices. Considered bad luck to eat but this is just an old wives tale. Taste and texture like fresh candy floss. 1 HP each. No app: 1d6.
10. Spitworms
- Like anemones blooming from the wall, they’re tubular, blue tinted polyps with little yawning fishmouths. They spit harmless neon slime territorially. The texture is like pani puri but the taste is pineapple. 1 HP ea. No app: 2d6.
11.  Headless Gecko
- Eponymous appearance, about an arm's length, mossy skin, completely silent, slow, no head, no survival instinct. Actually a kind of motile fungus. Low on nutrition and flavour but very filling. 2 HP or 2 portions of 1 HP. No app: 1.
12.  Danglers/Larval Apes
- Found on the ceiling, an oxblood-coloured, segmented log with a crude face like a smiling emoji and vestigial paws and tail. A solid, organless mass like a chewy sweet - gummy texture, biltong taste. They’re very heavy. 5 portions of 1 HP. No app: 1d4. 
13.  Snoufflé
- Like a cross between a shaggy snufflesome sea-slug and a buttery croissant. About the size of a swiss roll. 3 HP or three portions of 1 HP. No app: 1.
14.  Flavour Cubes
- Near-transparent tumblesome cubes - will grow into gelatinous cubes if not eaten. Jelliful and eye-wateringly sour. 1 HP for small Cubes, 2 HP for big ones - however, one can only eat 1 every ten minutes. No app: 1d10 small, 1d4 big.
15.  Garloids
- Like geoducks, found nestling in damp corners or the underhang of boulders. Make good pets but remember to water them regularly. Each Garloid is 3 portions of 1 HP. No app: 1d4.
16.  Dungeon Cucumbers
- Like a headily coloured choral reef, flowing, wedged, into the cracks of dungeon walls. These molluscs tongue the air for motes of dust and metaphysical dungeon energy. 1 HP ea (3HP if fried). No appearing 2d20. 
17. Flat Rats
- Like a featureless velvet-furred pancake that ripples around the dungeon floor nibbling up detritus. Taste and texture like chicken schnitzel if you ignore the downy fur. 2 HP. No App: 1d12.  
18. Wormhead Toads
- About the size of your palm. Delectable but the toxic ones look indistinguishable from the good ones. 1d4 HP ea but if 4 is rolled, take 4 HP of damage instead. No app: 1d4.
19.  Stirge Husks
- The infamous Stirge, grey, dead and dried out. Packed with protein, it’s not unlike eating a dried (albeit red veined) apple. 2 HP ea. No app: 1d8.
20. Skull or ‘Helmit’ Crab
- With paper thin shells and delicious insides, these translucent crabs house themselves in the skulls of the dead, preferring helmeted heads. 1 HP or 3 HP if fully broken out of the skull, though this may take time. No app: 1d4.

1d4 critters you really don’t want to snatch up and gulp down

Combine with the previous table, rolling a wacky d24 to add a learning curve to dungeon critter foraging. 

1. Grave Tadpoles

- Little glistening black spots near-futilly wiggling across the hard stone floor. A cabbagey, fishy taste. Heals 0-1 HP but induces a deathlike coma for 10 minutes, one awakens early upon receiving damage. No app: 1d8

2. Witchcap Wasps

- Finger-sized orange and grey wasps with black witch-hat shaped mushrooms growing from their head or thorax. 1 HP ea but one cannot sleep for 24 hours after ingestion. No app: 2d4.

3. Stewing Gnomes

- Grey-purple coneheaded octopi that, perched high up on their tentacles, ambulate like tiny waddling penguins. Strongly emetic when eaten raw. After vomiting one cannot eat anything else that day. Only good for stewing. No app: 1d4.   

4. Bloodsnipper

- These beaky, crimson-scaled fish move and behave just like rats, scurrying about the floor on its membranous fin-legs. They scream loudly when grabbed, provoking an immediate encounter check. 1 HP ea. No App: 1d10.

Optionally: Each character can roll a d20 to determine their favourite flavour of critter. A PC can eat an unlimited number of that particular critter, ignoring the normal level restriction. You can also roll for whatever critter the characters like least though I’m sure they’ll do that naturally. 

The Killer Ostrich and their Retainer, a dual character class

Swift-hunter, Man-tamer,
Talon-footed, Axe-beak,

You play as these guys but if they were friends.

Class Concept: This is a two character class. You play as both a sentient, Killer Ostrich and their human Retainer. While most Killer Ostriches hunt the dales and pastures of their kingdom alone, you are a bonded pair out for adventure. Symbiotic, each complements the other - the Ostrich, while deadly, lacks the skills and physiology to navigate complex dungeon environments and the Retainer, though clever, is comparatively weak and scrawny.

A faithful Retainer feeds his Killer Ostrich a hearty meal of iron.

HD: Special, d8 and d4

Attacks: +1 at first level

Saves: As Fighter

Level: as Magic-User

Alignment: Neutral

Armour: Special, 

• Ostrich - special-fitting light armour only (double cost), 

• Retainer - any.

Weapons: Ostrich - none. 

• Retainer - any.

Special: one class, two character sheets.

Nest Mates: Generate character stats 3d6 down the line for both characters as normal. If applicable, reassign the higher physical stats (STR, DEX, CON) to the Ostrich and the higher mental stats (INT, WIS, CHA) to the Retainer. Additionally:

• Roll 1d8 and 1d4 for HP; assign one to each. At first level only, the Ostrich’s CON modifier applies to the Retainer’s HP.

• Ostrich and Retainer share saves and XP total - levelling at the same time as a single character.

Bonded: An Ostrich and their Retainer are bonded from birth and cannot leave the company of the other. As a pair, in combat the Ostrich and Retainer share two actions per round (like a normal character’s move + action/attack). The pair act in the same combat initiative turn. Neither character may move or attack twice in one round. (Kinder DMs would allow 3 actions per round)

Inseparable Comrades: Should the Retainer and Ostrich be separated, the player must choose a primary character to continue playing as (typically the character who remains with the most other party members). The other ‘off-screen’ character becomes an NPC and, regardless of circumstances, will be able to reunite with their partner safely after 1d4 days (or until they are reunited diegetically).

Ostrich Death: Should either Ostrich or Retainer die, the player may elect to continue play but does so at a disadvantage - individually neither is as strong as a core class.

Ratite Physiology: An Ostrich has no arms and cannot achieve anything that would require their use - no ranged attacks, no vertical climbing, uncorking magical potions, writing, turning the pages of a book, any fine motor task, etc. They must rely on their Retainer to support them in navigating these tasks. Both Ostrich and Retainer can speak the common language and Ostrich language. 

But What About My Beak?: An Ostrich may attempt to use their beak as a hand, rolling 1d6 per round, achieving that task on a roll of 1. After three failed attempts, the task is impossible. 

We Run!: Both Ostrich and Retainer cannot individually exceed an  encumbrance score of 2 (if you do not use encumbrance slots, to a Killer Ostrich and their Retainer items weigh double their usual coin weight - (they’re used to running across the heath unburdened). 

We Ride?: Can you ride a Killer Ostrich? No, the noble Ostrich will DIE after 1 round of being ridden.

The Killingest: A Killer Ostrich is a deadly and canny combatant. More than just two powerful kicks and an axe-like beak, the Ostrich is a trained, cunning and tactical combat master. On a successful melee attack roll, the Ostrich rolls 3d4 (one die per leg and beak), delivering damage equal to the highest die. Any result of 4 (or more, potentially, at higher levels) can be exchanged for special moves, the Ostrich may:

▼ Savage: +1 damage to highest damaging die.
▼ Kick: Knock opponent back 10 feet.
▼ Immobilise: The opponent cannot move for 1 round. 
▼ Reposition: Place themselves in any position adjacent to whomever they are striking, including behind or swapping places with them. The opponent continues to face the Ostrich. 

An Ostrich can apply one or two different special moves during a single round, including if a result of 4+ is their highest die. In this case, the next highest die deals the damage.

The Skillingest: The Retainer starts with 1 skill point (or +16% to any Thief skill - which all start at 16%) at first level.

Learn Together: The Killer Ostrich + Retainer class uses random advancement. At first level and each level thereafter roll a d6 and a d12 on the Ostrich/Retainer advancement table. Two dice for two advancements, the Ostrich takes one, the Retainer the other. While Ostriches can be given any advancement (1-12), results of 1-6 must be given to Retainers.

Ostrich/Retainer Random Advancement Table:

1. Gain 1 skill point (or increase any thief skill by 16%)
2. Gain 1 skill point (or increase any thief skill by 16%)
3. Gain 1 skill point (or increase any thief skill by 16%)
4. +2 HP to this character and once per day transfer a number of HP from one character to another equal to your level x3. This transfer can go either way and takes 10 minutes. On reroll, +2 HP and can transfer HP twice per day.  
5. Sprint: Once per combat make a free move at any point in the initiative order - during your turn, before, during or after the enemy turn. On reroll, twice per combat.
6. +1 to Hit
7. +1 to Hit
8. +1 to Hit
9. Flying Kick; +1 damage and to-hit when charging into melee. On reroll, +1 to both again.
10. Increase lowest Ostrich attack roll by one die size (d4→d6→d8 etc).
11. Increase lowest Ostrich attack roll by one die size (d4→d6→d8 etc).
12. Increase lowest Ostrich attack roll by one die size (d4→d6→d8 etc) OR +1 to Hit.

It goes without saying, this class need not be an Ostrich - Cassowary, Terrorbird, Moa, Emu, Axebeak, Clubnek or any other large, long-legged flightless bird (so no penguins) or even certain types of dinosaur can be used instead. The Killer Ostrich’s ‘special moves’ are inspired by the combat system of Mythic Bastionland.

If you enjoyed this class check out The Ape.

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Low Tidings - A Fort Defense One Shot

   

Low Tidings is a defensive one shot for Old School Essentials. Chiefly inspired by Fritz Lieber's legendary, picaresque Fafhrd and Gray Mouser series of stories, tales whose weird, fantastic, sword-swinging and roguish charm in turn inspired Dungeons and Dragons and feature in AD&D's famous Appendix N. Low Tidings is a something of mini-module, condensed to 4 sides of A5 but very playable.

On a bleak and savage coast a pair of sorcerous sisters vie for the patronage of a pelagic god-wizard. Now, promised magical favours, gems and more by a talking gull, your party find themselves fighting through the night - besieged in a crumbling sea-fort, defending an eldritch ritual against a crazed witch-queen's army of blood-thirsty pirates and worse!

The Sea Witch by Frank Frazetta (anyone who speaks of a bootleg edition of this adventure is a liar)

In this adventure you will find:

• A hand drawn fortress map, ready for your players to repair, barricade and rig with tricks and traps.
• A 12 hour timeline detailing the events of the siege - assaults, infiltration, ruses, magical attacks and the things and places revealed by the receding tide.
• An IRL scavenger hunt mini-game!

While written with the world of Nehwon in mind, Low Tidings be easily adapted to any fantasy campaign setting. It can be quite challenging and is not recommended for new DMs. Low Tidings was written with OSE stats in mind and was submitted to the Appx. N Jam who provided me with the title. Illustrations by William Stout, Map by me. (Special thanks to the DCC module 'Acting Up in Lankhmar' by Michael Curtis, my favourite one shot, for inspiring me to write Low Tidings). While not perfect, this was a long and tricky write so I hope you enjoy it.