Showing posts with label Setting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Setting. Show all posts

Thursday, 21 May 2026

Beneath an Oily Shadow

     


An Oiligan Soldier by An illustrator


A selection of materials I wrote for Idraluna Archives behemothic Antarctica Adventure Project. I extend deepest thanks to An Illustrator who drew the above illustration of an Oiligan soldier for me. You can find more of their work here (some of it can be pretty saucy). The following hexes and such will be more diffuse on the Antarctic webmap and when published IN PRINT, so please excuse what may feel like any excessive repetition or self-referencing in this post.


Do consider joining the project and writing some hexes, or a region, or two. Navigating your way to the project's discord is your best bet. If not, it's still worth checking out, it has a great weird fantasy vibe. Previously, I submitted the Isle of the Scorpions. This time, I proffer those scant patches and outlying islands that have fallen under the sway of an ill-natured and technologically advanced, foreign empire. What I have done here is perhaps excessive and was honestly a big pain to write. So, was the juice worth the squeeze?


Chicago, 1971, my initial inspiration.

## The Occupied Isle

The warm coastal waters that lap this isle foam thickly, filmed with iridescent black oil. The slicked waves stain black the pink coral beaches. Beyond, the isle's loamy, tan soil is studded by scrub and towering prototaxites. Between these primeval, mauve growths lay half-buried ceramic urns, each large enough to house a family. These are the homes of the island’s natives (pop. 3,671): circular-eyed humans with flat-crowned shaven heads, dolphin-leather loinclothes and faintly teal skin (stats as normal, level 0 humans). Before the arrival of the Oiligans, the native inhabitants hunted dolphins and farmed prototaxites in peaceful, leaderless isolation.


Now, the islanders are an oppressed people. They are forced into semi-plantation labour and their champion Sj-ra (stats as nude 7th level club-wielding fighting-man) has been imprisoned. Looming at the island’s centre stands an angular iron observation facility - a radar relay ringed with concertina wire. From here, the Oiligans (36 soldiers, 9 intelligence officers) led by the hawkish and hubristic Major Algonqwa Stern, surveil the Antarctic continent, preparing for a (perhaps large-scale) invasion within the next 12-36 months (known as ‘War Plan Jale’). 


Once every new moon a fume-belching, cargo helicopter delivers 1000 greasy MREs to the observation post and collects that month’s prototaxite harvest. The Oiligan Empire roughly occupies a large extent of what the reader will know to be the North American continent.


Oiligan Empire Observation Post Encounters (1d6)

Walking from the coast to the observation post, Players will encounter at least 3 of the following scenes: 

  1. Patrol: a squad of 6 Oiligan soldiers on exercises move tactically through the scrub.

  2. Sniper: a teenage native with a stolen Oiligan rifle (see stats for Oiligan soldier) hides in the scrub taking pot shots at any non-native he can see. 

  3. Harvest: a family of oppressed natives are harvesting prototaxites under the bored and lazy watch of a single Oiligan guard who calls the family “flat-heads” and “dolphin-eaters”. The family are clearly nervous and will not speak openly.

  4. Strike: a crowd of 200 natives sit in the sun refusing to work. 15 of them have potsherd tipped spears. They demand that “the she-witch” Major Algonqwa Stern leave the island and Sj-ra be released. A squad of 6 Oiligan soldiers watch with binoculars from a distance. 

  5. Boredom: 2d4 Oiligan soldiers are goofing off, playing Sportsball with a crushed ration can while tuning into a music station on a very tinny sounding radio. They are inattentive.

  6. Urn Raid: 4 Oiligan soldiers smash wide an urn’s mouth and begin “searching for contraband.” A native family are hauled out and soon dragged back to the observation post. 


### 28-8 Oiligan Empire Observation Post

Beyond oil-slicked pink-sand beaches, towering prototaxites are grown by urn-dwelling islanders (3,671). They live under the occupation of the Oiligan Empire. The Empire takes most of their harvest and has constructed an observation post to spy on the continent of Antarctica. See region description (The Occupied Isle) for more information and encounters. 


The Observation Post

This military base is fenced on three sides by razor wire and 3 guard towers (each tower is manned by 1 Oiligan soldier and a bell). The base consists of four black iron boxes (not unlike double-sized shipping containers) surrounding a large radar, helipad, large piles of harvested prototaxites and 20 black plastic coffins (which contain native islanders and are to be dumped at sea). The iron structures contain the following: 

1. The Barracks. Beer cans and cigarettes litter the front entrance. The inside is lined with triple-decker bunkbeds, a small armoury is at the back of the container where the soldiers keep their rifles while at rest, on the wall large graffiti lettering reads ‘WE WANT GRENADES’. 6 soldiers rest here during the day, 5d6 bunk here at night. If looted, players find nothing more than typical soldier’s keepsakes and 1000 rounds of Oiligan battle-rifle bullets. 

2. Radar Terminals. Connected to the radar by thick wires. This structure houses 9 intelligence officers (as 1HD Oiligan Soldiers) at work on crude computer terminals. Combing through the terminals the following items can be accessed:

  • FILE ‘WAR PLAN JALE’: The hypothetical invasion of Antarctica by Oiligan forces to secure minerals, petroleum and other more fantastical resources. Some military action is expected to occur in 12-36 months. The plan notes no allies but does suggest the Moebians of the Tiger Coast as potential allies. The plan is authored by Major Algonqwa Stern herself.   

  • FILE ‘100K DOORS’: Contains the location of an underfunded Oiligan infiltration post in hex 79-01 guarding a ‘significant dimensional anomaly’.

  • FILE ‘PROTOTAXITE’: the file reveals the prototaxites are harvested by the Oiligans for a chemical compound they contain. This compound is used by food conglomerates to extend the shelf-life of fried puff snacks. Additionally noted is that the calorific intake of the islanders has reduced by 34%.

  • FILE 'POLLUTION SOLUTION’: “While pollution is a laughable concept, prototaxite harvests have decreased inversely to oil spills and plastic litter. If this trend continues it is recommended that the island be flattened into a runway for Oiligan jets and the aboriginal populace relocated elsewhere.”

  • DATABASE ANTARCTICA: Contains cursory information on all the regions of Antarctica.  

  • PROGRAMME ‘OILIGAN NEWS NETWORK’: Breaking news! It seems the battleship Omega was actually blown up by Antarctic inhabitants! Not, as was supposed, the inhabitants of Oiliga’s most recent conquest. In other news, the Plutarco has had to prorogue the Oiligan senate for the 94th time in 10 years after Party One and Party Alpha threw grenades at each other in the chamber. 

  • PROGRAMME ‘SPORTSBALL’: this option tunes the terminal into the 288th Oiligan Sportsball tournament, the biggest one yet! 3 teams of little figures can be seen running round and round a circular pitch holding or chasing a squishy triangular prism. The crowd love it. 

  • FUNCTION ‘CALL REINFORCEMENTS’: Selecting this function will summon 5d20 Oiligan Soldiers to the Island. They will arrive via cargo helicopter in 1d100 hours. 

3. The Prison: This structure smells bad. It is locked (key found in the Situation Room safe), loud discordant music can be heard from inside and strobe lighting is visible around the door frame. Within are held: 

  • 46 islanders - men and women of all ages.

  • Sj-ra, the islander's champion.

  • A giant slug-woman, Lady Oobleck of the Geometer Lords. 

Currently, the prisoners all cling to life with 1 HP. 

4. The Situation Room: The black and white 13 striped flag of the Oiligan Empire hangs outside of this structure. Major Algonqwa Stern (stats as 3HD Oiligan soldier with high-capacity 8 round battle-rifle) sits in a leather armchair chair, surveying a map of Antarctica and moving round models of tanks, battleships, helicopters and soldiers to perfect every permutation and hypothetical of War Plan Jale. The room also contains:

  • A shrine to Moloch - a golden, vulture-headed steam-engine statuette (worth 900gp) with 6 packets of votive fried puff snacks beneath it and a single silver Oiligan dollar. 

  • A camouflage-quilt four-poster bed.

  • A safe (containing $300,000 Oiligan dollars, 10 gold bars valued at 2000GP each and the key to container 3; The Prison). 

  • A cork board displays a list of bounties with strings trailing to their location on the map:

    • $85,000 - Intelligence Officer Sergeant Kimoko ‘Sweet Tea’ Moroneurta. She deserted from the observation post ten years ago. (hex 300-322)
    • $200,000 - Viscountess GarbiƱe Rimireggio-Apricenza od-Tames, the Pontifica of Cats rule the city-state of Tahmes (hex 165-563)
    • $250,000 - Armiger: The Flawless Lawgiver (hex 35-288)
    • $300,000 - Urghtarn the Taker Who Does Not Ask, 41st Grand Yarl Barbarossa, (hex 333-373)
    • $75,000 - Professor Emeritus Multiplicar duBoig (hex 166-569) 
    • $200,000 - She of Eldritch Sighs, ruler of Ix-Balaqta (hex 41-281) 
    • $250,000 - The Joyless Sadist of Yerrp, her Divine excellency Jennif Fattiyarkeh, the administrator of Concordia. Found in (hex 334-371)
    • The Captain will offer between $50,000-100,000 for the live capture of any other important Antarctic leaders the party can name.
    • Oiligan dollars can be used to buy items from Oiliga. Ordered items would be delivered to the island by the next cargo helicopter. For pricing $10 is equal to 1GP. 


### 29-8 Dumped Coffins

24 black plastic coffins float in the surf. Each contains a dead native of hex 28-8.


### 26-12 Crashed Helicopter

The water is coated with oil. A ruined, rusting Oiligan cargo helicopter lays just above the waves, wrecked on a bleached coral reef. It seeps black oil and fumes rise from it despite obviously having crashed several years ago. If searched it holds 8d100 still edible MREs.   


### 30-10 The Dolphin Hunt

A flotilla of 12 canoes (each made from a hollowed out prototaxite) carries 36 harpoon and net wielding fishermen (natives of hex 28.8). They patiently hunt a school of dolphins. If the party appear friendly they will beg for aid and explain the details of their home and the predations of the Oiligan Empire on their people. (see region ‘The Occupied Isle’). 


### 29-9 Dead Dolphins…

This patch of ocean is slick black with oil and littered with floating dead dolphins. A megalodon (stats as 15HD shark with 1d20 damage bite) has been driven mad by the oil and attacks any within the hex. 



## The Isle of 100,000 Doors

### 79-0 - The Isle of 100,000 Doors

From the horizon this isle appears as a grey, mountainous, scaled cone. On closer examination, the windswept island is made of concrete and the ‘scales’ that coat it are oval-shaped doors of weathered aluminium. Each door is labeled with two numbers separated with a hyphen. At the pinnacle of the island, beneath the black and white 13 striped flag of the Oiligan Empire, is a door numbered 222~318. The numbers then spiral around the isle until reaching door 0~0, which is lapped by the tide. Each numbered door corresponds to an Antarctic hex and when opened, leads to an unobserved location in that hex. The doors are one-way only. 


Door 79-0 opens to itself and functions not unlike a mirror, with people and objects attempting to pass through it colliding with themselves. 


The Actinic Sorrow of Dawnless Days, a transparent, sleep-walking dragon circumambulates the Isle ready to remorselessly feast on any who wake her (stats as a 20HD Dragon, Transparent). She wakes on noises louder than a raised voice and is drawn incrementally closer by any sound louder than a heavy footstep. 


### 78-0 Oiligan Spy Raft

A small floating raft-base made of lashed-together plastic oil drums and corrugated steel, buoys in a shimmering field of oil-filmed ocean. 6 grey-pink and pine-green camouflage patterned canoes are tied to the base’s edge and similarly camouflaged figures can be seen moving between the raft's crude corrugated metal structures.


Aboard are 12 Oiligan espionage-troopers (stats as Oiligan Soldier's but with 16 Charisma and integrally suppressed battle rifles - the quietened fire of which does not wake The Actinic Sorrow of Dawnless Days, the transparent dragon) and 24 regular Oiligan soldiers. The soldiers, led by the optimistic Captain Maximum, are guarding the island and assessing its value as a staging ground for the invasion of Antarctica (see War Plan Jale as explained in ‘The Occupied Isle’ and hex 28-8). If they spot anyone on the Isle they will canoe across to capture, interrogate and perhaps press-gang them into imperial service.


Despite their cheery leader, the soldiers are sea-soaked, miserable and in need of rations and a proper rest. Recently two soldiers were washed overboard and carried away far to the south-east (hexes 80-3 and 85-14). Before that about half of the soldiers deserted through one of the magic doors (to hex 286-383). 


The raft base also contains: 

  • A high-powered radio

  • A powerful telescope

  • A pinball machine

  • A store of 230 high-fructose MREs


### 80-3 Adrift Oiligan

An Oiligan soldier named Sergeant Deals clings to a plastic barrel. He was washed away from his spy raft at hex 78-0. He promises “many dollars” if they return him there.


### 85-14 Oiligan Fishin’

Private Premium, a solitary and semi-nude Oiligan soldier stands waist deep in the tide attempting to shoot fish with her battle-rifle. She was washed away from her spy raft at hex 78-0. All she has to say is that she “I’m a might hungry” and “Moloch saves”.


### 286-383 Deserter Sportsball

24 Oiligan soldiers play Sportsball in three teams of 8. They run round a circular, ersatz pitch jostling over a squishy triangular prism; the eponymous sportsball. Their rifles are laid on the earth beside some wooly rhinoceros hide tents and chunky meat strips curing over smoky, lichen fires.


The soldiers deserted from their army via a magic door in hex 00-79. They seem content to be out of the military system but hunger for food beyond wooly rhino flesh. They barely explored beyond this hex but know of the Wooly Rhino Lair in hex 287-380. The garrulous Private Ayatollah is their spokesperson.


Soldier of Tomorrow, 1959
  
The Oiligan Empire

Regions active: The Occupied Isle, The Isle of 100,000 Doors, North America and elsewhere across the globe. 

Description: Culturally deranged, the Oiligan Empire spreads its greedy, polluting influence across the globe like a deadly petroleum spill. Desiring resources to power its industrial and territorial growth, Oiliga has set a small portion of its cyclopean gaze on Antarctica. For now, small outposts of soldiers, rifle-wielding masked goons, lurk and surveil the continent. 

  • Current fashion trends dictate most Oiligan men sport a handlebar moustache and women, mullets. 

  • Their national game is named Sportsball (despite being played with a squishy triangular prism). 

  • Their flag consists of thirteen horizontal black and white stripes.

  • Their ‘food’ is terrible.

Ruler & Leaders: The Plutarco. Beneath him skitters a sprawling bureaucracy of generals, senators, intelligence agencies and corporate interests who constantly feud, scheme and, on occasion, fight for influence. In the Antarctica theatre of operations, the highest ranking officer is Major Algonqwa Stern (hex 28-8).

Size: The Oiligans control large swathes of the North American continent, exert influence over neighbouring polities and across the globe.

Resources: While only a small force is stationed in Antarctica, the Oiligans possess an army of over 2 million personnel complete with battleships, helicopters and armoured fighting vehicles. They have very little magical ability or knowledge after at least twelve great historic witch-hunts. The empire is technologically advanced and possesses the combustion engine, aircraft, radio and crude computer systems along with advanced knowledge of chemistry. 

Attitude toward adventurers: Those serious members of the Oiligan leadership see adventurers as useful assets, to be handled and rewarded with technology, weapons and huge amounts of dollars in exchange for deniable operations across the continent. Conversely, the average Oiligan grunt is an ignorant and chauvinistic fellow and knows little of the wider world. They are as likely to party with the player characters as bully or shoot them.

Ethos/philosophy/faith: Oiligian ideology is that of a Victorian robber baron blended with 1980s consumerism and corporate worship. Despite this they consider themselves an anti-imperial empire. They worship Moloch, a golden, vulture-headed god with the body of an upright steam-engine. They have a reverential fear of Grey Aliens.

Goals & quests: In Antarctica, the Oiligans prize the continent's mineral wealth and natural resources. The empire’s proposed invasion of Antarctica is codenamed War Plan Jale. Ultimately the Empire seeks global hegemony. 

Common names

d20 Oiligan Names:

  1. Haudeno

  2. Moloch

  3. Sam

  4. Moab

  5. Porfirio

  6. Liberty

  7. Axle

  8. Hulk

  9. Dollar

  10. Buzzsaw

  11. Native

  12. J.P

  13. Humpday

  14. Dividend

  15. Powhatten 

  16. Dude

  17. Big 

  18. Boss

  19. Tonnage

  20. Logo

Relations with other factions: Generally dismissive of all Antarctican factions and cultures, the Empire shows a cultural affinity for the Moebians. They strongly dislike the Geometer Lords - a rival international power and look down on the empire of the Baroleshians. 


My own mark I illustration of an Oiligan soldier.


Oiligan Soldier:

HD: 2+2

AC: 8 (flak jacket), 6 vs ranged

MV: as a soldier moving tactically

Attacks: as battle rifle (see below) or fighting knife d4

Special: an Oiligan Soldier’s head-to-toe camouflage fatigues (grey-pink with pine green stripes) grant them a +1 to surprise the PCs in combat. 


Description

The faceless soldiers of Oiliga are uniformed in full-body camouflage fatigues and move with a rigid, highly trained precision, creeping through cover with their battle rifles at the ready. While uncanny, beneath their pink and green striped camouflage masks, bandoliers and bullet proof vests they are regular humans (usually sporting handlebar moustaches). Likewise, their precise training quickly breaks down when bored or annoyed. When on a task they remain tactical and robotic, when at ease they are prone to goofing off, sometimes in dangerous or provocative ways. They are not native to Antarctica and speak with strong accents. 


In combat, the trained Oiligan soldiers will fire and load single shots per round. If angered they fire off all four shots. When looted, their leather bandolier contains d20 bullets and $1000 Oiligan dollars. Their preferred battlecries are ‘For Us! Moloch and the Oiligan way!’ or ‘Remember the Omega!’.


All Oiligans have a reverential fear of Grey Aliens and suffer -2 to attack rolls against them as well as to morale rolls when in the presence of a Grey. 


See region ‘The Occupied Isle’ and the Oiligan Empire faction overview for more information.


Oiligan Battle Rifle:

This stubby, plasticised rifle deals 1d10 damage and ignores AC for the purpose of ranged attacks. It has a capacity of 4 rounds. Multiple additional shots can be fired in a single attack for +1 damage each. Its flatnosed bullets are inaccurate rendering the rifle's maximum range equal to that of a longbow. 






Thursday, 26 February 2026

Isle of the Scorpions

 
Pulmonoscorpius Paleoart by Vitor Silva

Three Hexes you could insert into your campaign - one island, one coastal, one oceanic. These hexes also represent my infinitesimally small part of Idraluna Archive's magnificent Antarctic Adventure Jam which is nearing the end of its first submission window. The Jam is a truly prodigious beast of a project and while far from complete, it is packed with fabulous content. Check it out here, pan around and click on icon'd hexes, you'll definitely fun something good.

And yeah, these hexes are just Beowulf but a bit weird.

## The Isle of the Scorpions
This red-wood forested, orchid-strewn isle is home to a race of sentient scorpions (stats as ‘Scorpion, Giant’ but Lawfully aligned and with human equivalent intelligence). They live in scattered nuclear families, lairing across the island in wasp-nest like papery ‘tree-houses’. The scorpions keep vole-like rodents as semi-domesticated livestock and hunt gulls and rays on the coasts with their stingers. Through great effort these scorpions can contort their mandibles to speak in strained two word sentences. They don’t know where they came from - their myths say they grew from seeds. The scorpions are ruled by an elected sage-monarch named ‘Sssn-snk’. The Scorpions are aware of people, though the isle rarely has visitors. Recently this otherwise idyllic isle has come under the predation of a most despicable monster - Muhwtor of the Mesopelagic.

Muhwtor of the Mesopelagic, a giant mutant Deep One has taken up residence off of the coast and once a month lumbers onto the island to eat 2d12 scorpions. He is immune to their venom and his scaly hide is filled, punctured and pincushioned with still pumping scorpion stingers. His bulging saucer-plate fish eyes are shot not with blood, but venom. Muhwtor’s stats are as a giant-sized, 9 HD, poison-immune Deep One, but when struck in melee a gout of scorpion venom sprays onto whomever dealt the wound.

1d6 Encounters:
1. A scorpion family (mother, father and 1d4 ½ HD scorpion children) harvesting mushrooms, stump-moss and orchids, they are chatting and joking with each other in their clicking scorpion language. 
2. 1d4 giant scorpions snap their pincers from the entrance to their tree home.
3. 2d6 scorpions hunting gulls/rays on the coast or voles in the forest.
4. Sssn-snk the scorpion sage-king (max HP 'Scorpion, Giant' with 18 Intelligence) and 3d6 decrepit scorpion elders scuttle slowly about in a circle, clicking and gesticulating wildly with their claws and stingers. They are discussing what to do about Muhwtor. The others say they will vote for a new king.
5. 1d8 Deep Ones walk back to the shore with young, alive giant scorpion slung by the tail over one of their shoulders. 
6. A pile of half-eaten scorpions, some are missing their stingers. One clings to life, gurgling "Muhwtor" before dying. 

### 161-86 Isle of the Scorpions
A pleasant and fragrant isle of redwoods and vibrant flowers - populated by 778 intelligent, giant scorpions (213 males, 285 females, 380 scorplings). If the players seem hospitable, the scorpions will entreat with them to help drive off Muhwtor offering them an unlimited and lifetime supply of their potent venom, the right to stay on the isle as honorary scorpions and as many scorpion brides as they desire.

### 161-87 Muhwtor’s Lair
Muhwtor of the Mesopelagic and 12 Deep One toadies lurk beneath the balmy coastal waters in the wrecked hull of an ancient submersible. The sea above is littered with chewed up scorpions. At low tide (around mid day) the top of the submersible can be seen.

Treasures found within the rusted submersible:
  •  1 rusted torpedo (strike hard to detonate for 2d20 damage in a 50ft radius)
  • *Voidlight* a +2 rapier, +4 vs extraplanar creatures. If the wielder dies their skeleton turns to aluminium.
  • A pirate skeleton that has turned to aluminium (worth 3000 GP)
  • 10 large leaden barrels. Each contains gold dust worth 10,000 GP.
  • A seal-skin treasure map pointing to Hex no. 79-00 with the notations ‘all the world behind 100,000 doors’ and ‘beware the eater of men’
  • A green swipe pass (used to launch a nuclear warhead in Hex no. 344-380)

### 163-88 Muhwtor’s Mother
The sulphur-smelling surface of this oceanic hex bubbles and roils. Muhwtor's Mother, a tentacular ur-beast slumbers in the inky depths of the sea beside a fiercely fuming volcanic vent. She nestles a colossal man-sized pearl (worth 240,000 GP). Her stats are as four conjoined Octopi, Giant. She will wreak a most horrible revenge on those that slay or humiliate her son. She'll travel unerringly and tirelessly towards the party at a rate of 2 hexes per day.

BONUS HEX:

### 165-82 The Boat-Scorpions 
24 Scorpion refugees lay limply strewn across 4 crude rafts, the survivors of a bigger 'fleet'. They are/were fleeing from their island home of Hex no. 161-86 but ran out of provisions after becoming stuck in becalmed weather. The scorpions will try as much as they can to warn the PCs of the 5d100 hammerhead sharks that swarm beneath their rafts. 

Wednesday, 24 July 2024

The Onomasticon Quernorum

Or; On the Names of the Quernfolk

A Wennish penny pamphlet pithily titled 'an unbelievable account of the atrocious apparitional attack on a sleeping and sickly Miss Dyedred by the headless bear demon 'Old Bossbelow' and her noble defense by Mistress Sharpday, Miss Arena Palatine, Jonwith Middlestone, Harque the Younger, Master Winwalloe and the Magic-User Lakelie'  

Above is the Onomasticon Quernorum; On the Names of the Quernfolk. Contained within are over 900 names and they are presented without any expository information. 

Recently, I have had names on the brain. In my post morpheme+word+epithet, (which has proved quite popular) I shared the eponymous formula for making an interesting name. This specific method works well for individuals but what if I need a great many names to build out a specific culture? 

I have previously written how understanding of the cultures of your setting can be impressed on, and implied to, players via the personal trinkets and pocket loot of NPCs that belong to those cultures. I used my personal setting of The Querns to explore this idea and did some implied world-building by detailing several cultures in this way. In this post, I have given names to the owners of those pockets. With the names themselves and the contents of their pockets, the reader should have a good feeling for these cultures already. Implication builds interesting settings that engage the imagination.

In the Onomasticon Quernorum I have given names to six, mostly distinct, cultures. In addition to this list I had a whole spiel written explaining my thought processes and inspiration for each of the culture's naming styles. I cut it all down and it still wasn't 'working' so I have slung it in a doc you can find here. I also recommend this post by Empedocles the Wizard of Elemental Reductions for some more lucid and interesting commentary on their naming process.

But, what do you do? What are your thoughts on creating names for RPG characters? Please let me know in the comments as I really enjoy this stuff.

Another Wennish penny pamphlet titled 'The Mightily True Report of Sergeant Bov Pangweather's victory over the hulking Aldish Birch-Crone known as Jennie Snatchelflynda and her dread-familiar who some call Black Froggebighter'. 

This post was written for Words! Linguistics, Etymology and Onomatology for July's RPG Blog Carnival

Sunday, 19 March 2023

The Failed Careers of Tetragrammatown - or - Failed Careers as Worldbuilding

Can you spot the hidden puritans?

Failed Careers are great. PC's get a random failed career at character creation along with the items someone of that career would have possessed. It doesn't need to be said that they are wonderful mediums for implied world-building that immediately involve and inform players in and about the world.  

When making failed career tables, I try to keep two things in mind. First, I try to make the careers so specific that a player can immediately grasp the concept - take ownership of, or define the career themselves. The world, however weird should be understandable and implied only, if a concept is too weird, prepscriptive or requires too much meta-knowledge to understand it shouldn't be available as a failed career for your players. Secondly, the weapon and item need to be interesting. It's ok to play fast and loose with the definition of 'weapon' and 'item' - especially if it's something a player wouldn't pick for their character off of an equipment list or something that isn't even on a equipment list. Interesting can mean strangely useful, something that produces new or odd situations - something that can be used for more than its intended purpose or even provides a narrative, character or adventure hook. You can fit a lot of flavour into the [name], [weapon], [item] format.  

While demographically unsound, failed career tables can make for useful encounter tables. I like an exploding d4 to determine numbers of an encountered career. 

Below is an example failed career list for a city called Tetragrammatown. Read it and you will get a good feel for the setting via failed careers only. 

---

UPDATE: I've been using this table for one-shot episodic play and slowly over the last year or so this table has expanded along with the setting itself. I think it started as a d66 table, then d68, then d88 and know a full d100. It's been really useful for supporting and expanding the setting and its feel/vibe. The table has grown to reflect the play and campaign events that have taken place. It's been a lot of fun. 

UPDATE 2: Yup, we're up to 120 careers now. Perhaps the big 200 is up next?

Failed Careers of Tetragrammatown

Roll 1d120 (a d12 and a d10) to determine your character's backstory. The format is; [Failed Career/Backstory Name], [Weapon], [Item(s)]

  1. Whipping-Boy, whip, a wooden sign listing the ways you've been a naught boy/girl.
  2. Trench-Brother, sharpened shovel (as axe), permanently muddy military uniform.
  3. Dare-to-Die Duelist, pistol with no bullets, black coat with white 'duel me' painted on it.
  4. Riot Police, tear-gas grenade, plastic see-through shield.
  5. Reluctant Zealot, cat o' nine tails, prescription rage-juice.
  6. Living-Book, tattooing needle, an entire book tattooed onto body.
  7. Satirist/Polemicist, razor sharp wit (0 damage), head and arms locked in a pillory/stocks.
  8. Faerie-Realm Polluter, oil drum full of chemical by-products, map of local fairy rings.
  9. Elf-Hater, elf-basher (as club), 'hate' and 'elfs' tattooed on knuckles.
  10. Puddle-Prophet, lead rod, electric pouring crucible.
  11. Vehicularist, a pike (to prod people out of your way), a slow and primitive iron car.
  12. Amateur Aeronaut, a helmet with a big spike on the top, a heavy wood and canvas gliding-suit.
  13. Natural Philosopher, poisonous bug/plant/element (single use), specialist's tools.
  14. Gruel-Giver, heavy ladle, keg of gruel (20 rations).
  15. Noir Detective, twin knuckle-dusters, chainmail-lined trenchcoat (+2 AC)
  16. Gladiatorial Vampire-Baiter, wooden stake gauntlets, wooden plate armour painted with crucifixes (+3 AC).
  17. Veteran-Brother, beam-rifle in a locked box (no key), a pocketful of medals.
  18. Clerical Assassin (official), crucifix with concealed dagger, mitre hat with pistol stitched inside.
  19. Clerical Assassin (unofficial), poisoned needle, shabby imitation vestments.
  20. Most-Wanted Warlock, pet anaconda, edgy eldritch tattoos.
  21. Ratman Exterminator, rat-poison, vicious tunnel dog.
  22. Puritan-Procuress, spanking-paddle, trunk of spare puritan clothing.
  23. Puritan-Bothering Pacifist Revolutionary, fruity trombone, book of jokes.
  24. Dissolute Paladin, bejewelled knightly longsword, plastic bag full of laughing gas canisters and naughty printing-press pamphlets.
  25. Demon-Fumigator, hand-pump sprayer, holy-water.
  26. Rocket Smuggler, pocket-rocket, fistful of solid rocket-fuel.
  27. Prostitute Gangster, switchblade, fish-net stockings.
  28. Old-Town Rioter, bag of bricks, knitted balaclava.
  29. Wicked Noble, thumbscrew, flamboyant feather hat.
  30. Atomic Fisherman, glowing harpoon, radioactive fish.
  31. One Man Speakeasy, blinding bath-tub gin, backpack distillery.
  32. Involuntary Rocket Tester, molten weathervane, exhaust-blackened parachute.
  33. Paramilitary Goon, percussion cap rifle, camouflage tunic and cap (camouflage gives stealth bonus in matching environment).
  34. Political Congregant, swagger stick, a pamphlet listing the benefits of the new ideology you've invented.
  35. Industrial Congregant, huge and consecrated spanner (as a mildly holy, two-handed club), sackcloth gasmask.
  36. Itinerant Explosives Workman, big shard of shrapnel (as dagger), huge hand-cranked iron bomb that explodes instantly after three cranks.
  37. Agrarian Congregant, ploughshare, emergency ploughshare weaponization kit and manual.
  38. Book-Burner, single-use spray canister of napalm, slightly singed book (rolled randomly).
  39. Creature-Collector, Cattle prod (target saves vs paralysis or becomes slowed and loses 1pt of hp), vicious and toothsome creature in a small cage strapped to your back.
  40. Penal Legionary, metal-pipe arquebus with 2 shots, black and white striped fatigues.
  41. Quadruple Agent, garotte, d4+1 fake identity papers
  42. Scientific Congregant, two vials of unstable chemicals, badly repaired spectacles.
  43. Latest Technology Inquisitor, electric cattle prod (target saves Vs paralysis or becomes slowed and loses 1pt of hp), EZ-lite bonfire with portable stake.
  44. Authoritarian Thug, heavy hobnail jackboots for stamping, an imposing black uniform.
  45. Industrialiser, single-use glue gun, furnace-powered engine (to glue onto something).
  46. Morality Play Thespian, false metal god marionette (as flail), black renaissance theatrical costume and morph-suit.
  47. Satellite-Botherer, laser pointer, tinfoil hat.
  48. Indentured Window-Washer, 100-foot pole, bucket of caustic soaps.
  49. Self-Abusing Flagellant (get it?), stinging-nettle cat o’ nine tails, medieval smut.
  50. Computational Congregant, soldering iron, huge and humming electronic calculator carried on the back.
  51. Hypno-Pressganger, hose with bricks in the feet, a paper spinning black and white spiral on a stick.
  52. Sixteenth-Story Man, clawed gloves, 500 feet of rope
  53. Clerical Congregant, spiked processional cross, aspergillum of holy water.
  54. Out-Of-Town Gangster, a crude weapon wrapped in barbed wire, helmet with your gang's motif.
  55. Expeditionary Brother, long-rifle, wearable waterproof black bivvy-onesie
  56. Radicalised Protester, disposable rocket launcher with 1 HEAT round, placard
  57. Gutter Groveller, sharpened spoon, tattered blanket
  58. Fugitive, pocket pistol, roll a second failed career- gain their items - this is your cover identity or why you are wanted
  59. Puritan Black Ops, silenced caplock pistol, perfectly boring disguise with belt-buckle-balaclava in the back-pocket.
  60. Proxy Doxy, concealable single-use blackpowder SMG, pre-contact licence
  61. Reconstruction Congregant, wrecking bar, hardened cement-stained overalls and shroud, (+2 AC)
  62. Assembly-Line Congregant, a handful of screws and bolts, stimulant pills (roll a second failed career, this was your second job)
  63. Folk Hero, ancient acid-stained longsword, soot-covered white stallion.  
  64. Overworked Peon, roll twice and take both failed careers.
  65. Psalm Singer, you needed no weapon, entire bible memorized.
  66. Gunpowder Cultist, dodgy hand-gonne (crits you on a critical failure), singed robe
  67. Corporate Stooge, long-arm stapler, demotivational poster
  68. Corporate Enforcer, concealable whip-sword belt with factory logo belt-buckle, factory branded sunglasses 
  69. Proto-CEO, a pistol next to a half empty bottle of gin in a desk drawer somewhere, a big cigar
  70. Lone Gunman (for hire), scoped takedown arquebus in a case, keys to a fancy apartment 
  71. Theocratic Commando, your choice of any pre-1830 firearm, your specific faith's paramilitary uniform. 
  72. Warmachine Welder, Blowtorch, d4+1 armour plates.
  73. Chain-Ganger, rusty pickaxe, a convict you remain chained to by the ankle.
  74. Factory 'Hand', a fistful of nuts and bolts you pulled from industrial machinery, d4+1 severed fingers that you keep in a jar (if 5 is rolled you can have a hook hand)
  75. Alleywayman, two flintlock pistols, masked ratman accomplice/occasional steed
  76. Soldier of the Sex Worker's Battalion of Death, any historical pre-1815 personal weapon of your choosing, an imperious black military uniform with silver crucifix
  77. Dragoon Brother, prototype lever-action rifle (breaks irreparably on a roll of 1 damage), cloned horse
  78. Dogmatic Vigilante, a small non-lethal weapon of your choosing, thematic dress-up, roll a second career for your unassuming alter ego.
  79. Motorbike Knight, lance, crude poison/goblin powered motorbike
  80. Deforestation Congregant, crude poison-powered chainsaw, sharpened grappling hook and chain
  81. Cull Girl, your choice of any historical sword type, skimpy bloodstained clothing 
  82. Snake Handling Acolyte, two snakes with woozifying venom (if swung as a weapon will die), vial of anti-venom 
  83. Law Brother, hand-gonne truncheon, insta-pillory kit (flatpack, probably takes 10 minutes to assemble)
  84. Logistics Congregant, multitool, iron dolly 
  85. Snail Farmer, snail hammer, very large snail
  86. Boschian Hell Muralist, large paint encrusted palette knife, rejected proposal sketch of Hell
  87. Goblin Smasher, really big rock, a glass jar of green slurry
  88. Keeper of Cursed Books, attack book on chain (d6 reach weapon, knows only to bite) random book - cursed (flipped information as if from evil alternate dimension)
  89. Tragedian, fencing foil, sad mask with dark and dramatic cape
  90. Exorcist, heavy chain and padlock, demonic voice in the back of your head
  91. 'The Free Press' (hahahaha), crutch, a black eye and a broken leg in cast +1 additional broken limb of your choice.
  92. Polluted River Pirate, acid stained cutlass, NBC resistant coracle
  93. Bunker Buster, d4+1 stinky sticks of sweaty TNT (d6 impact explosive), a crowbar with flint and steel keyring
  94. Conscript Brother, pike, iron puritan hat shaped helmet 
  95. Landlord's Retainer, fancy looking musket (tiny calibre, d4 damage), tabard with landlord's symbol (and/or face) on it
  96. Scientist - Biologist (or) Engineer, mostly dead human arm (or) haywire automaton arm, reanimated head that babbles madness (or) schizophrenic AI skull.
  97. Slum-Knight, length of pipe with crossguard, corrugated steel armour
  98. Anarchic Bomb-Thrower, 2 grenades, get-away mule robed in a punk caparison.
  99. Weapons Maintenance Congregant, large vat of atramental lubricant, ballistic-weave NBC suit and sackcloth gasmask.  
  100. Underworked Punk, roll two careers, this is your parent's stuff that you’ve borrowed.
  101. Robotics Congregant, rubber mallet sledgehammer (two handed, 1d6 damage), the upper or lower half of a dumb, unfinished robot (you choose)
  102. Robot Smasher, a magnetic sledgehammer, a smashed robot trophy of your choosing
  103. Actor, a mostly harmless prop weapon, any costume of your choosing (from your last role)
  104. Back Alley Surgeon, hacksaw, one dose of powerful anaesthetic
  105. Slum Levy, sharpened rebar spear, shield painted with your slumlord's crest
  106. Slumlord, gold-plated whip, an ostentatious yet dirty item of clothing. 
  107. Munitions Congregant, cosh (d6, it's a sock full of bullets), bullet proof vest and mask (+6 AC vs firearms, +0 AC vs all else)
  108. Train Man, coal shovel, whistle
  109. Train Hobo, customised hobo knife, rat-hide clothes blackened by soot
  110. Rabble Rouser, sharpened speaking-trumpet, a portable self-inflating podium
  111. Puritan's Servant, an acid rain proof parasol with spiked tip, a choker that strangles you whenever you smile or think unclean thoughts. 
  112. Sanitation Congregant, full bin bag (d4 damage, rips open on damage roll of one), facemask stuffed with herbs
  113. Subterranean Congregant, collapsible pickaxe, lantern helmet and veil
  114. Professional Reveller, bag of fireworks (1 damage in a room-sized radius), keg of strong alcohol with hose attachment
  115. Crucifix Salesman, a pocket pistol (d4, to protect the merchandise), trenchcoat full of crucifixes (AC as leather)
  116. Weeder Congregant, poisoned weeding hook (max damage vs plants), wellington boots
  117. Bat-Catcher, an electrified bat-net, a wicker box full of bats
  118. Sewer Savage, alligator skull on a stick, really smelly and perpetually smouldering smoke-signal trash can
  119. Tenement Tribesman, bundle of glass-tipped javelins, urban detritus camouflage and mask
  120. Motor Congregant, goggled leather overalls with weighted driver's gloves (as cestus), a new diesel powered iron vehicle of your choice (must be road legal)